I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
