i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
