I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
