The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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