Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
