It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
