areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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