HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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