you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
