Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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