I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
