But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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