I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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