a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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