found the other keg... it's in the tree
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone came in the potted fern
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
