I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
