Quick, to the slutcave!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
