she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
