wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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