Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nutella sex= disaster
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
