he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
