What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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