i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
