Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
