I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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