I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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