He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
