He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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