I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
