Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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