i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
