how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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