he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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