I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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