he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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