I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
