no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
