So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think my mom watched the whole time
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
