if you like me you must not know who I am
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
