Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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