**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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