areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
