I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
