did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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