I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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