No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
