Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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