were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
