Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
