it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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