I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
