so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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