I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
