He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I party with great urgency now.
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