Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
