Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
