you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
