I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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