I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
