i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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