so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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