a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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