Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
