We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
