I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
someone owes me an orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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