i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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