he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
