I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
