You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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