She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
