My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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