I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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