I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The adults are the big ones right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
