i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
