3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
