Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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